When we first found out we could not have biological children, there was of course all of the usual emotions attendant upon a wish long hoped for and utterly denied. We went through a lot of pain and anguish there in the beginning. And then there is the hope that the doctors could be wrong....and that is when people start telling you of all of these miracles that have happened to some mystical "other people" who were able to get pregnant despite all of the odds.
So many well intentioned people told us these stories about couples who were just like us and then had children anyway! Every month became harder and harder as the hoped for miracle was looked for and hoped for. And it never happened. Looking back on it, I think it would have been far easier just to know that it was never going to happen, then I could have stopped being depressed every month and I could have moved forward with the healing a lot sooner.
It is amazing to me how incredibly insensitive people can be about infertility. I remember going out with one of my, then, pregnant friends and she was telling me that she understood exactly how I felt because they had tried for almost 3 whole months to get pregnant! Wow! That long! I tried not to let comments like this bother me.
And of course just at the time that we found out about our inability to have biological children everyone around us was pregnant. And when I say everyone, you have to understand that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon), and we were in a young ward where about 1/3 of the women in the ward were either pregnant or had just had a baby. Most of my friends were pregnant. My sister was pregnant. 3 of my sister-in-laws were pregnant. And our calling right then was in the nursery. Well, this last one might have actually helped. There were about 15 children under the age of 3 in there, and some of them were holy terrors!
At the time life seemed unutterably unfair. Looking back on it, knowing what I know now about how our family would be created, I wish that I just would have enjoyed those 5 years my husband and I had to enjoy each other and our carefree lifestyle. I definitely would have spent more time enjoying my husband and maybe forced him to take me on more trips! Well, would have, should have, could have... I was too lost in sorrow to enjoy it at the time.
We actually thought of adoption right off the bat. I think it was on the way home from the doctors office that we first discussed it. I believe we touched briefly on sperm donor, but this was quickly brushed off of the table. It somehow didn't feel *right* to us.
We were pretty new to adoption. As a reader of Anne of Green Gables, I think my first thoughts about adoption were of orphanages where you just go and pick up a kid. Was I that naive? lol! It's funny to think about now. =)
After going to the library and reading pretty nearly every book there on the subject, I felt a little better prepared. We didn't really know much about adoption agencies, and so we naturally turned to our church and signed up with LDS Family Services.
Well, I actually have children to attend to now...
